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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29816286">Area 51</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/zxq966/pseuds/zxq966'>zxq966</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>No Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:21:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,317</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29816286</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/zxq966/pseuds/zxq966</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You break into Area 51 to clap alien cheeks. An opportunity presents itself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Area 51</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Ambient HVAC/machinery noises, mostly quiet)</p><p>Guard? what's going on? I'm hearing noises above us, and-</p><p>Oh. I guess you're not the guard. </p><p>(concerned) Okay look, I know what you're here for, and trust me, it won't be as fun as you think it is. I'm all sinewy, there's not much muscle here, and there is way more cartilage than you would expect. Besides, who knows where I've been? Trust me, I would be disgusting, no matter how you cooked or seasoned me!</p><p>(confused) Wait, you *don't* want to eat me? Oh, thank god. But the scientists said that if anyone outside the base found me, I'd be a rare delicacy- Oh. I guess they would want me to believe that, wouldn't they? Well now that we've got that out of the way, what in the cosmos is going on up there?</p><p>You're raiding the base?</p><p>Millions of you? But why?</p><p>AS A JOKE?</p><p>Oh my god, no wonder they quarantined your solar system, humans really are as crazy as the conclave said! "Don't go near Earth, we've lost dozens of ships there!", they said, but did I listen? Nope, just had to have the recalcitrant phase, just HAD to go joyriding in the atmosphere, get shot down, and end up equally dividing my days between this glass box, some godforsaken lab, and sharing the facilities with a dozen other species! Have you ever had to share a shower with a dhacoid? They're covered in eyes, and can't blink! Even when they're not ogling you, they're ogling you!</p><p>(calming yourself down) Okay, okay, no way to greet the first visitor I've had in six months. My species' time, mind you. You guys age so fast by the way, what's up with that? </p><p>Whatever. I'm sorry, lot of confined space, nobody wants to talk to me about me, just my species, this whole thing has just been- Actually, there's a button on the side of the cell, you see it? If you could just- </p><p>(door opens)</p><p>Oh my god, thank you! Thought I was gonna go crazy in there. Maybe I did (laughs a little). No, I think I'm ok. I don't know for sure, though. The doctors here knew *nothing* about my species' biology, so for all the probing they did, they weren't even able to tell me if I was in Biomagnesys or not. Amateurs. </p><p>Although speaking of biology...</p><p>So this is gonna sound weird, but for all the things they told me about you, I've never seen a human unclothed. The guards wouldn't play ball, I don't suppose you could...</p><p>Oh, c'mon! Please? I can do it too. We'll pretend we're back in Kelphec academy! (pause) you have that, right? </p><p>You will? Alright, that's the spirit! Start with the short tunic you've got, move on to those things around your legs, and any harnesses or microgenerators you might have underneath. Yeah, like that!</p><p>(giggle) No, no, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but... ...Are all of you that pink? Really?</p><p>Can I touch?</p><p>Wow, your skin is so soft compared to other species. How do you survive in the vacuum of space without a suit? Oh. (disappointed) you don't. </p><p>And what's this you've got between your legs...</p><p>Ok, yeah, I think I recognize that from the biology textbooks. Hang on, let me get down here, get a closer look. Yes, definitely. We phased those out a few milennia ago, with the whole "gene stapling" thing, reproduction is more of a science than an art for us, not sure how far along you guys are with that- Hey, does it respond to stimulus? What kind? Just up and down hand motion? Sure, let's give that a shot.</p><p>Woah, ok! Wow, that was fast. And is this the normal size? Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have offended you. It just looks sort of big, but- oh. You're welcome. Guess it's not all soft. Now say I get a finger over here, does it- </p><p>Alright, alright, that's a no-go zone. Got it. Don't need to tell me twice. Let me stick with this right here. So I just move my hand up and down, like this? Ok, let's try that.</p><p>Ok, a little more...</p><p>Do you need me to keep talking? Alright. </p><p>And this is how you reproduce? The female just takes her hand, and- no? Alright, tell me a little about that. Later? Ok.</p><p>Just a second...</p><p>Hey, if I twist it like this- Oh! sorry!</p><p>Would it help if I squeezed it a bit, and- oh! Okay, that's the male contribution to the process right there, now tell me, what biological role do you play during the gestation?</p><p>(confused) Nothing?</p><p>You just... ...do that, and then you're done? Fascinating. Also, that didn't seem that energy-consuming, but you seem weak. Is there some kind of unseen strain at play? No? Hmmm. </p><p>Alright, well time to hold up my end of the bargain. Let me just get my tunic off...</p><p>Sorry if I'm blushing, I'm usually much more modest than this. I don't know what's came over me. </p><p>Just to be clear, the females of your species have these too, right? For feeding their young? At least, that's what ours are for. </p><p>Now the leg coverings...</p><p>And, uh, here I am. See any similarities between myself and your species? yes, I can move my legs if you like.</p><p>Your females have something similar? Well, ours is vestigial. Since wombs are no longer required, we actually evolved another set of lungs down there that can process different atmospheres. What? No, we don't breathe through it! The lungs connect to the same cranial air intakes you have. </p><p>Although if your female system is comparable, perhaps you can show me the purpose of this small flesh nub, it's right here, and I don't know for sure what it- oh! (flustered) That's um, that's certainly new.</p><p>(strained) There's no telepathy involved, right? Just physical stimulation? Wow. </p><p>...I don't suppose you could do that again? </p><p>Oh god, okay, what are you doing? </p><p>Why does it feel so- (sharp inhale, groan) This was here the whole time? Oh my god, how did I not- No, no, please don't stop!</p><p>Wait, you're stimulated again. What are you- *oh* Oh my, that is- </p><p>(orgasm)</p><p>(If you don't think there was enough dialogue during the act, just improvise some)</p><p>(catch breath)</p><p>(flustered) Oh my god. That was certainly... Certainly... I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'm at a loss for words. </p><p>But I do feel... ...weak. Vulnerable. Is this normal? Will the feeling pass soon?</p><p>I, um, this is going to sound strange. Is there any way you could... hold me until then? Just until this feeling passes?</p><p>Thank you. Oh, humans are so soft.</p><p>(sudden thought) Hey, you don't happen to have any Argon on you, do you? I'm thinking about throwing a party when I get back, and I think I might want to get a little, y'know, a little fucked up with my friends.</p><p>(surprised) It's in your *atmosphere*? Ohhhhh, that explains why I've been so cool about everything. Six month contact high will do that to you, I guess (laugh). </p><p>(gathers self) Listen, I need to get to my ship. (idea) Hey, do you want to come with? You can breathe tungsten hexaflouride, right? No? (disappointed) Okay. </p><p>Well listen, thanks for coming in here and definitely thanks for breaking me out. And thank you for the, um, (sheepish) "anatomy lesson" (giggle) Oh, and I told your scientists to check out the Dhemniah Nebula as a joke, but they have taken it seriously. I guess just don't send any essential personnel on that mission. Now, how do humans say goodbye?</p><p>Oh, so I just like this? (kiss)</p><p>Thank you. I'll never forget you.</p><p>(amused, to yourself) wait until my friends find out what I did with an alien, I will never hear the end of it.</p>
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